(God-Wrestler)

I dont even know what to say.... so much in my head right now.... so many thoughts... so many faces... so much confusion... Do I face this or do I turn and run... Do I blow this off or do I forget about it... AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!... When will I be past this... When will God push me through this... Where is God when I yell his name... HELLO!!... pssshh... I make this out to be more than it really is... There has to be something greater in my life than these feelings, these thoughts, these annoyances...LA LA LA LA LAAAAA>>>>> LOUDER AND LOUDER>>>>>BUT ONLY I CAN HERE IT>>>> ONLY HE CAN QUIET IT>>>> WHERE ARE MY ANSWERS>>>>>SO I HATE THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER... I despise the month of November... I'm almost there... Just a little bit longer... Why do I think that... What Compels my Being.... ... ... ... ... It hurts... Why did it break.... How did I screw up... Why can't i embrace my sanctification before Christ and not embrace my guilt... I'm guilty though... We are all guilty... People don't get me.... Why are some people so selfish... Am i selfish?.... Do people envy me like I envy her.... I hate being in control, so why do I fight for control..... Letting go is a better Grip... But then what am I gripping too.... WHere do I land after this fall.... Will it continue to hurt then..... It's never going to happen....Let go let go.... No fight fight fight for it... How do I determine whats real..........................AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I should just go to sleep.... Most of the time its better there...In my sleep life seems more real... WHile awake it all seems passive...... Thursday's suck.... They are like the month of November...... I'm starting to hate the month of May tooo.... Do people really want to read this..... Why do i even keep this up.... its not helping anyone.... I don't think its helping me.... I use this to make up for people i can't talk tooo.... I miss talking... It came so naturally.............Wow my mind races....If i could run like my mind... Thank you God that your love is true... It fills my heart... Your love doesnt hurt me... How can love hurt.... But it does.... No know what really sucks about all this... I feel i'm alone .... but i know that everyone is going through it too.... God reveal yourself now.... come make your mark....................................................................................................