(God-Wrestler)

I have officially lost my motivation to do pretty much anything. I don't think I have ever been like this before, but I don't care about doing anything. I don't feel the need to do anything, and I have no reason to seriously get out of bed. This job search has really taken it all out of me. I have now put out ruffly fifty applications and have barely received any responses.

I should be excited about all of this "free time" that I have now. I could work on so many projects that I have desired to do but never had the time too. I could clean my room and organize my life, but instead I sit in front of the TV with my laptop not paying any attention to the TV or doing anything on my laptop but waiting for an email to come through. My life has always been so busy and now it has come to a complete stop.

You would think that this would be great for me to really spend sometime with God, but it has really been a distraction for me. I keep saying, "I have all day to do that," and then never get around to spending time with the one I love. I am just waiting as patiently as I can. I am waiting for the Lord to move in my life, to give me the direction I have been needing on where my life is going now. I might be missing that if I can't really listen to Him.

If you were to ask me a few years ago what my life would like now, it would not resemble anything like this. I would have never said that I would be 23 living with my parents, unemployed with a college degree, and over weight with out a girlfriend. I feel like such a loser. To top it all off my high school reunion is this coming weekend and well I don't feel good about it at all.

I can, however, say that I am where I'm at while following Christ and part of me wants to believe I am right where Christ's wants me and is preparing me for greater things in life. Its becoming harder and harder to truly believe that though. So, I will sit here patiently and wait on the Lord.

Lamentations 3:24
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."